by Ted Lowe
The great news is that most churches have small groups in one form or another. If that is true for your church, we suggest you integrate marriage curriculum in your existing small group structure. Whether you have an existing small group structure or not, here are a few relatively easy but effective ways to begin integrating small groups designed especially for married couples.
START ONE
Ask couples to give you five to eight weeks and you’ll provide them with the materials to help them focus on their marriage. Don’t be afraid to use the word experiment to calm their long-term commitment fears. These groups can meet anywhere: restaurants, on the church property, or in homes. The upside of meeting at the church is it relieves the discomfort of walking into a stranger’s house. However, meeting in homes has several distinct advantages. It’s more physically comfortable and inviting. It allows people to express their spiritual gift of hospitality. Plus, when people feel comfortable in a social setting, our experience has been that they tend to be more open relationally and theologically.
CHANGE ONE
At some point during the year, consider giving your existing small groups a break in their regular curriculum in order to focus on their marriage. You’re not requesting that these groups become a “marriage” small group forever; you’re simply encouraging them to change their focus for a short season. We realize some groups have been meeting so long they would rather die than change, and those groups may require a little special attention. (Or, you may choose to give those types no attention and spend your precious leadership time on those who are willing to change.)
HIGHLIGHT ONE
Every so often, there may be a prime small group experience that you want everyone to have. When that happens, you will need to draw people’s attention to it, highlight it in such a way that it really stands out. For instance, maybe you discover something designed not only for couples in crisis, but also for couples who want to make a good marriage great. (Who wouldn’t want that “universal” kind of experience for the married people in their church?) Well, we’ve found some relevant materials that do just that.
In an effort to help struggling couples, we consulted with three professionals who specialize in helping troubled marriages: Shawn Stoever, Ph.D.; Terry Hargrave, Ph.D.; and Sharon Hargrave, MAMFC. Together, they have created an incredible small group resource called 5 Days to a New Marriage . The title and content comes from their wildly successful four- to five-day marriage intensives. Many couples show up to these intensives legally separated or with divorce papers in hand; most leave totally changed. Two years after the intensive, four out of five participating couples are still together. However, this small group resource isn’t just for couples whose marriages are foundering; it’s for anyone who wants a stronger, healthier marriage.
We didn’t think we could re-create a better wheel, so we partnered with these incredible thinkers. Their work is now part of the MarriedPeople Strategy. We encourage churches to offer their small groups the 5 Days to a New Marriage material (which lasts 10 weeks). We continue to get positive feedback from users, including the fact that, once groups go through it, many couples get so much out of it that they want to step up and lead one the next time it’s offered.
(And if you are looking for additional Small Group studies, check out these.)
So there you have it, just a few ways to leverage small groups to pour into marriages. What ways have you seen small groups “work” at your church?
Ted Lowe is the Director of MarriedPeople, and the co-author of Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last. Follow Ted on Twitter @tedlowe.
* This post is excerpted from Married People How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last by Ted Lowe and Doug Fields
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