Three Mealtime Questions that Change Everything Including the Quality of Your Food

Just kidding about that last part, but they could change a lot of things about how you talk about faith.

If your house is anything like mine, the bath time and bedtime routine can often turn into a soul-sucking vortex of blood, sweat, and tears. All evening long, I feel like I’m herding cats. But not even nice cats. I’m talking about the mean kind of cats who hiss and scratch and ignore you when you speak.

Oh? No? Your kids quietly and efficiently bathe, spend 20 minutes in meaningful prayer, and tuck themselves in? In that case, MINE TOO! I WAS TOTALLY KIDDING ABOUT WHAT I SAID EARLIER.

But seriously, as soon as dinner is over, and it’s time to head toward bedtime, I take a deep breath and steel myself for the impending negotiations, requests, and resistance. By the time I finally get my two girls clean and in the respective beds, the last thing either of us have the energy for is deep or spiritual conversations.

So about a year ago, my family started doing something different. We decided to leverage the only time we’re really together and looking at each other’s faces. we decided to leverage dinnertime.

No matter where we are (and let’s be honest, it’s Chick-Fil-A or the Mexican restaurant down the road maaaaannnny nights), we begin our meal with three questions. That’s right. We don’t bless our food before we eat it. You’ll see why. Standby.

Instead of a blessing, we all take turns answering these three questions:
1. What was your funny bunny today? (I’m not really sure where “funny bunny” came from, but normal families will probably just ask: “What was something funny that happened toady?”)
2. What was your high today?
3. What was your low today?

By starting with a lighthearted question, both girls are automatically engaged in the conversation. They want to participate. They want to laugh at everyone’s “funny bunny,” and they especially want everyone to laugh at their own.

We use our “highs” as something we can thank God for, and we use our “lows” as something we can ask for help, healing, or forgiveness. Then, we close the meal out with prayer, making sure to mention all the specific things that happened during the day.

For us, shifting these questions to mealtime has been a family-wide favorite tradition. It gives us connecting points. It keeps everyone aware of the others’ needs, hurts, and successes. It teaches our girls to ask questions and to listen. It teaches our girls to pray specifically and intentionally. Hey, it’s taught me the same thing.

Now, we still pray right before bed, and we even have a short devotional we read out of. Half the time, the girls are giggling and poking each other beneath the covers, but God’s Word is powerful, and it’s planting seeds that will grow and bloom as we continue to teach them to prioritize family and faith.

(Confession: Sometimes I am also giggling and poking them beneath the covers. But it’s because I’m ridiculously relieved that we’ve cut down on the length of the bedtime routine!)

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/29bzpy8
via IFTTT

5 Reasons Change is Hard

by Tim Parsons

As a leader, one of the hardest things to do is to lead people through the process of change. But, the reality is that change is happening around us all the time. And if we don’t change, we’ll be left behind. Change is a function of growth . . . things/organizations/people cannot grow unless they change. The paradigm that exists with all change as it relates to people is that the person must decide to change before they will.

A leader’s job is to inspire and influence the people they lead to create an environment where it is easy to change. As with most leadership principles, this one is easier said than done. I’ve found that there are really five reasons that change is hard for so many people . . . in fact I identified these in myself. So let’s learn and grow (and change) together!

• I don’t want to. There are moments in time where we become obstinate. We just flat out don’t want to change. It can be vindictive because we don’t agree with the change or it can come from a place of bitterness because of a broken relationship. Regardless of where it comes from or what causes it, this can be very difficult for a leader to overcome. I think the key is to uncover the root and approach the change delicately.
• I don’t see the value. This is the most common reason that people don’t adopt change. It is largely the fault of the leader also. Ouch! But, the truth is that leaders must communicate to those around them the “Why” behind the change. People must move from understand the reason and towards seeing the value behind it. This happens through open dialogue and giving people the time to get there themselves.
• I’m too comfortable. Let’s face it, there are many things in our lives that are habits and we are just flat out comfortable doing them. And, the thought of change means that I am going to have to work hard or do something that is out of the ordinary for me. Routines and traditions are the comfort-zone of many people and this can make change difficult. But, if “there” is better than “here,” then I can more easily leave my place of comfort and move to that place.
• In my mind, we’ve tried that before. This one can be pervasive and deadly for an organization. Often, I’ve found that the old way of doing things may not have worked back then, but it works great now. This is usually because there are different people involved or there was something missing back then that isn’t today. But, when people get the sense that we’ve tried it before and it didn’t work, this can be a difficult idea to overcome. It many ways, the leader will have to take some risk and prove to the team, through practical application, that it can work now even when it didn’t work then.
• It’s just too much work. I’ve already mentioned the idea of comfort zones. But this goes beyond that. Not only does change inherently require us to work harder, but most change brings with it new systems, new processes, and even new personalities. Change is hard work and it requires a team that is able to endure…focused on the end result. The most important thing a leader can do when faced with this mentality is to re-focus the team on the mission. The change is directly tied to the mission and if we don’t change, it means that we will not be fulfilling our mission and could, in a worst case scenario, become extinct.

Those are my five. And, as I said, this was written looking inwardly . . . at myself. Can you relate to any of these? Which of these have you been guilty of when faced with change?

 

Tim Parsons wears a lot of hats, but his favorites include husband, daddy, and pastor. You can find his words online in several places where he typically writes about Leadership, Marriage, and Parenting.  He’s been married to the love of his life, Consuela, for over 15 years and they have 4 children.  His hobbies include dipping fries in ranch dressing, correcting other’s grammar mistakes in his head, scrolling through Facebook just shaking his head, and overusing hashtags.  Check out more from Tim at http://ift.tt/1MFg58R.

Reposted with permission. This article originally appeared here.

from MarriedPeople Couples http://ift.tt/28ZR23c
via IFTTT

We’re the Surratts

I’m the first to admit it. We’re quirky. We have family meatloaf challenges and think finding a good parking spot is a competitive sport. The name Bob makes us laugh (I’m not exactly sure why but I laugh anyway). We make up names for each other, i.e. The Hair Monster (you know who you are), and we’re pretty sure sarcasm is a spiritual gift.

We’re odd but we’re proud of it. I’ve come to realize this plays a big part in how we connect as a family. While some families are great planners and rule followers, we’re more the let’s-fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants variety. I used to feel guilty about this when I heard other families talk about their planned-to-the-minute family times and their intricate family rituals. Those things are wonderful, if that’s who you are.  

I know now that every tribe needs to figure out the rhythm that works for them, and it’s less about what you do and more about what happens when you do it. While each family is unique, there are some things that are the same:

Your kids need you.
They need to know you love them with a fierceness that never quits.
They need your time, your presence, your heart.
They need you to fly the family freak flag high and proud so it shouts above the noise of the world that this is their tribe and they belong.

For the Surratt’s, this looks different than other families and I’m okay with that. Here are a couple of things I’ve learned along the way.

We embrace the time of day that fits. Some families have sweet morning times over the breakfast table where cheery faces gather amidst the sounds of chirping birds and angel song. That’s not us. To say our family may not be morning people is like saying a skunk may not always smell like roses. With the exception of my husband, we tend to be a grouchy people in the A.M. For me, the morning makes me downright crabby, and I suspect God himself doesn’t even want to talk to me before I’ve had that first cup of coffee. Unfortunately, both of my kids inherited this monosyllabic one-grunt morning personality.

We tend to be more amiable (and lucid) at the dinner hour, so we roll with that. Our focus was never the food or an agenda, but the moments we laughed together over my son’s first attempt at making brownies with triple the amount of oil in the recipe (he earned the name ‘Oil Boy’ for that) and where we heard tales of the fourth-grade-classmate whose antics almost drove the teacher to say a curse word. These were also the moments when I noticed the look in my daughter’s eyes that told me all was not well in her elementary world and prompted me to trudge up the stairs for an after-dinner-talk, which sometimes ended in an opportunity to pray together. Not every meal held big moments, and some of the moments were downright frustrating.

Flexibility was our friend. Our kids both played sports and were busy with the church youth group, which meant that dinner was sometimes a burger or taco in the car. At first this bugged me, but I learned that just because we weren’t all together around a table, time with my daughter and her soccer teammates was like a front row seat to the mystery that is preteen girls and gave me great conversation prompts with her afterward.

The overwhelmingly stinky moments with my son and his basketball buddies as I picked them up after practice (I often hung my head out the window like a dog) were like gold when they forgot I was in the car, laughing about girls and school and the curious moments of their fifteen-year-old lives.

At first it was tempting to feel like our family times were ebbing away into nothingness, but then I embraced them for what they were, the opportunities to enter their world as it expanded beyond our family. As my kids talked and laughed with their friends, I caught glimpses of their ‘Surratt-ness’ as they shared a thought or opinion. I saw evidence that the messy, imperfect family moments had seeped not just into their heads, but into their hearts.

Here’s what I know for sure. These moments don’t just walk up and hit you on the nose. You have to watch for them and then grab them and make them yours. Don’t waste time regretting the fact that you aren’t like the Joneses down the street. Be the you that God designed your family to be. Quirky as that may be.

When does the best conversation happen for your family?
Why do those specific times work for you? How can you create more of them?

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/28XRwSS
via IFTTT

Growing Others

Growth into maturity for the believer starts from the inside and will work outwardly. Worldly 'growth', by contrast is measured outwardly in terms of external success through wealth, career and popularity. Growth for the believer, by contrast, is about becoming like Jesus Christ in terms of His character and influence. The Holy Spirit will help the believer both identity and actualise his person hood in Christ. Believers are also charged with helping one another to grow in Christ. The apostle Paul said that he wanted "to present every man perfect (complete) in Christ". This is what discipleship is all about.

Jesus gave a new commandment to believers that "you love one another as I have loved you that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for none another." (John 13:34-35) Influence is in essence defined by the love that believers have for one another. Influence is not defined by a program of good works but is defined by the evidence of love expressed between believers. It is a fact that the world will quickly point out where and when there is the apparent absence of love between believers. A watching world may read about Christian values but it is not until these values are incarnated that they carry the weight of Godly and Christlike influence in our world.

A medical missionary was relating to some friends how African people would often walk past government clinics and travel many miles further to the missionary clinic. The missionary asked a group of African patients why they did this when in fact the medicines were the same at both clinics. They replied "the medicines may be the same but the hands are different". This is love incarnated. The point of difference is not the nature of the service or help that is offered people. Rather it is about the heart and the hands through whom the service is ministered. Jesus received five loaves and two fishes and then blessed them before they were distributed to a mob of people. When believers offer what they have in their hands as unto the Lord, Godly influence will happen. When His love permeates through His followers, even a loaf of bread can carry extraordinary influence!







This blog is based on a message by Ross Smith at The Vine Church. Logan City, Queensland, Australia on Sunday 26th June 2016. The full message can be accessed by podcast from www. thevine.org.au

Just Because

Have you ever felt like your kids aren’t listening to what you say? Do you sometimes struggle with finding time to talk with your kids about something more than what time they need to be wherever they need to be and how they need to clean their room before they go?

I have.

And this is what I decided to do about it.

I’ve been sending my husband and kids a text every day since the beginning of the new year with a very brief summary about whatever I read that morning in my Bible. I figured with one kid away at college, one in high school, and one in middle school, a group text would be an easy way to invest in each other.

Well, after two months of NOT receiving ANY responses from my kids, I included this little request in one of my texts: “If you read this, give me a (thumbs up emoji).” I know, sneaky, but it had to be done.

Guess how many thumbs-up-emojis I got?
One.
And it was from my husband.
Not a single one of my three kids texted back.

This meant one of two things. They’re either not reading my texts, or they’re reading them and just not taking the time to respond.

Just as I was getting ready to throw my parent pity party, I experienced a definite ah-ha moment that encouraged me to keep texting——even if they never respond.

God also makes the effort to speak to us daily. The most obvious way is the Bible. Yes, God was good enough to give us His words, in writing, for us to read anytime we want. He did this even though He knew many of us would never read it. And those of us who do would often not respond.

Sounds familiar.

So why did He do it? Why give us words that might be ignored?

For the same reason, I will now keep texting my kids every morning—because He loves us.

I used to think the only reason God gave us the Bible was because we need to read what He has to say. And trust me, we definitely need to read what He has to say, but today I was reminded that He also gives us His words as an expression of His love for us.

I say all of this to encourage you as parents to keep reaching out to your kids, just because you love them.

Not so they will listen.
Not to get a response.
Do it just because.

Write them.
Talk to them.
Text them.
Call them.
Be where they are.

Don’t let the unanswered calls or ignored texts discourage you. Parenting is not a friendship where if our acts of kindness aren’t returned we move on to another friendship. Parenting is one of those deals where we say, I’ll invest in you and be here for you no matter what you do or don’t do.

It took 20 years before I ever read God’s Words to me, and then another couple of years for me to answer Him back. I’m so thankful He never stopped pursuing me and was faithfully waiting when I finally came around. What a dad!

That’s the kind of parent I want to be.

Oh, and on the day when one of your kids finally texts you back to thank you for everything you do, you might just screenshot it like I did so you can look at it whenever you want, just because.

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/28TlVr5
via IFTTT

How to Deal with a Lazy Spouse

by Dave Willis

One of the most frustrating challenges in a marriage happens when one spouse is doing the majority of the work and the other spouse seems content to be “lazy.” I often hear things like, “I just don’t know what to do! I feel like I’m carrying everything by myself and he/she doesn’t seem to care.” That’s certainly a lonely and frustrating situation, and if you’re currently facing the unique challenges of a lazy or disconnected husband or wife, here are a few ways you may be able to help the situation…

1. COMMUNICATE* your frustrations but DON’T NAG.
It’s natural to want to talk with sarcasm, nagging and criticism when your husband or wife doesn’t seem to be “getting it,” but those negative approaches rarely have any positive impact. Instead, look for ways to communicate your needs and frustrations with more care and less criticism. Most people respond better to positive affirmation than negativity.

*Communication will help you determine the root cause of the laziness. If your spouse is truly just being lazy, then address the behavior and encourage him/her to snap out of it, but oftentimes, “laziness” is actually a symptom of a deeper issue like Depression or perhaps a medical condition. In these cases, your spouse may need in-depth care, support or even professional treatment.

2. Find SOMETHING to praise.
Rewarded behavior is usually repeated behavior. Find something your spouse is doing well and point it out often. Encourage that behavior. Your encouragement could help your spouse create some more productive habits.

3. Offer to do the work TOGETHER.
If your spouse’s laziness happens most around the house, instead of just assigning him/her chores, find projects you can do together which will also give you a chance to communicate. If your spouse is lazy when it comes to exercise or physical health, instead of just dropping hints they he/she should get off the couch, plan physical activities that you can do together. The shared experience could create some healthier habits for you both.

4. Maintain high STANDARDS.
When your spouse is perpetually lazy, there’s a temptation to give in and lower your own standards by thinking, “If he/she doesn’t care, why should I?” You might do everything on this list and your spouse might choose to remain lazy. You can’t control your spouse’s decisions, but you remain in complete control of your own, so choose to maintain a healthy and hardworking standard in the home and in all aspects of YOUR life. You’ll feel better, and your positive example may eventually inspire healthier behaviors in your spouse.

If YOU are the one being lazy in your marriage, stop it! Your spouse needs your full support and partnership. Get started right now. Don’t waste another day.

 

Dave Willis is the founder of the Facebook Marriage Page, http://ift.tt/1n16dFL and the author of The Seven Laws of Love. 

Reposted with permission. This article originally appeared here.

from MarriedPeople Couples http://ift.tt/28U6A89
via IFTTT

Technology Tip: Share the Calendar

Have you ever thought about sharing your calendar with your kids online? In this month’s technology tip, Jon Acuff shares a simple way to connect with you kids that not only helps you manage your family schedule but might surprise you in the conversations it can start.

Other Technology Tips:

You’re Not A Doctor
Ask Questions About Video Games
Don’t Miss the Moment
Be a Team Manager Not a Secret Agent
Ask “Which of Your Friends Have Devices?”
Create Space for Conversation
Tie Technology to Maturity Not Grades or Money
Freedom Is a Goal Not a Gift
Take off the Digital Locks

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/28Pdk6u
via IFTTT

How to Talk to Your Kids About Tragedy

The news is heartbreaking enough to take in as a parent. Terrorist attacks. Mass killings. Planes blowing up. Beheadings. I know…please just stop right there.

Add to that the political chaos that seems to dominate the headlines, climate change, job losses and more. It’s just too much to take some days, even for us adults.

So as a parent, how do you even begin to engage these topics with your kids?

Well, for starters, you can try to shield them, and that will work for a while. But shielding a child from life won’t actually prepare a child for life. Eventually (far sooner than you’d like, probably), they’ll begin to awaken to the reality of the world around them. You can’t shield them forever. Eventually, they’ll leave home. And long before that, they’ll get a phone, an iPod or an iPad. It’s the world at their fingertips.

Then what do you do? How do you answer their questions?

Here are a few best practices I’ve seen and some guidelines that have helped me.

1. Avoid simplistic or unrealistic answers

I know, I know…of course you realize simplistic or unrealistic answers are unhelpful. But if that’s true, why do you and I give them so often?

It’s easy to say things like “everything’s going to be okay,” or “don’t worry, God won’t let that happen to us” or “never mind, that’s not important.”

Wishful thinking isn’t helpful thinking. Kids believe what you say, at least until they learn not to.

I’ve talked to too many adults who still struggle spiritually because when they were little and they lost their mom, someone told them that “God must have needed your mom more than you did.” Talk about how to wreck a kid’s headspace…and heartspace.

That’s a simple answer, but it’s not a true answer.

If you don’t know what to say…just say you don’t know what to say.

Related: The Face of Grief

2. Empathize with the story and your kid

The news actually is heartbreaking. It’s actually okay to come alongside your child’s emotion and say something like “That actually is heartbreaking. I’m very sad about that.” Or “Yes, that’s scary. Sometimes grown ups get scared too.”

If you’re engaging a teenager, you can be appropriately honest. Telling your child you don’t like the political situation either is actually okay.

Validating an emotion is the first step toward dealing with an emotion. Even if you can’t change the emotion, which you can’t. Or shouldn’t. Terror and death should never become normal.

3. Talk about a hope that goes far beyond your circumstance

Being truthful and expressing empathy is no a reason to leave your kid without hope, though.

Just because you see life for what it really is doesn’t mean you can’t also see God for who He really is.

The truth is, we have a God who is bigger than cruelty, who is bigger than terror, who is more powerful than any politician, and who is writing a bigger story. And—here’s the amazing part—we know how to story turns out. We’ve read to the end: good wins and God wins.

The thrust of scripture (which is frighteningly realistic about human nature and human history) points us again and again to this truth—we have a great big God we can trust no matter what. As in no matter what.

So why do we stop trusting? Why do we get too scared, disoriented or numb to give our kids hope that’s anchored in truth?

Too often what you and I look for in the news and in our personal lives is evidence…
that our circumstances are going to improve.
that we’ll be safe.
that none of this will happen to us or the people we love.
that we’ll find a job, or won’t get sick, or have even a little more money.

But the God of scripture isn’t a vending machine. Prayer isn’t a button to be pushed. It’s a relationship to be pursued.

Even more than that, our hope isn’t in our circumstances. It’s in God.

---

Our hope isn’t in our circumstances. It’s in God.
Click To Tweet

---

And God is bigger than our circumstances and he’s better than our circumstances.

If somehow we can convey the essence of truths like this to ourselves in times like these and ultimately to our kids, we’ll have reasons to believe when everyone else has stopped believing and reason to hope when everyone else has stopped hoping.

And when you watch the news (and shudder), you’ll be able to point to a hope that no human can ever destroy or threaten.

That’s something worth talking about. And that’s something worth sharing with the next generation.

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/28KIQEF
via IFTTT

Growing One Another

 The New Testament letters focus upon the collective responsibilities of the discipleship within the Christian community.  In fact the apostle Paul stated that he wanted "to present every man perfect in Christ" (Col.1:10) He wanted to grow believers until they both saw and realised who they were in Christ. This growth process is not about the acquisition of knowledge for its own sake but is about the growth of Christlike character. In fact the Bible is never meant to be merely informational; it is meant to be a relational - relational in terms of knowing the author of the book. In fact a vast knowledge of the Bible will not make up for a little knowledge of the author!

It is interesting that growth is defined in terms of relational development rather than by knowledge per se.  Chapter two of Titus defines proper doctrines in terms of healthy relationships. "...that older men be sober... that older women... be reverent...that younger men be sober minded...in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility..." In other words, the believer's witness is seen in terms of the ways believers relate to one another.  1 John 2:12-14 recognises the stages of development for the "little children", the "young men" and the "fathers". Every believer needs to both learn from others as well as instruct others. These things happen when all parties are teachable and choose to exercise humility.

Within the Body of Christ, His DNA is at work. Wherever believers gather, there will be a consciousness of His Presence because it is His life that is being witnessed. There will be a stirring of His love at work. There will be a desire to identify one with another. We will "rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep". When we lay hold of Him (because He first laid hold of us), we will also find welling up in our hearts a spontaneous love for all who do the same. Holding fast to Christ preserves us from distortions such as co dependencies, cliques and control.

Once we were like butterflies, doing our thing, unconcerned about other butterflies but the believer will become more like the bee who operates from the hive, not working for self but living for the whole.







This blog is based on message by Ross Smith The Vine Church, Springwood, Logan City, Queensland, Australia called Growing One Another on Sunday 19th June 2016. The full message can be accessed by podcast form www.thevine.org.au/teachings

What I’ve Learned About Being a Dad from Being Clueless

Father’s Day always reminds me of my first day as a father. It was a crisp fall; the leaves were turning a heavenly gold as the squirrels gathered the last nuts before winter. Finally, the anticipation was over, and this would be the day I would become a dad. After a brief time in labor, my soulmate gave birth to our firstborn son. The doctor smiled as he cut the umbilical cord and handed our gently cooing son to me; after nine months of waiting, my precious progeny was finally here. It was a glorious moment, my wife glowing, the angels singing, my perfect little child cradled in my arms.

That is not at all how my journey into fatherhood began. The day my son was born was full of sweating, yelling and crying, and that was just me. The doctor did not lay a gently cooing infant in my waiting arms, he handed me a screaming bundle of kicking arms and legs. My son was long, skinny and bore a striking resemblance to Yoda. I immediately realized that all the talk of instantly falling in love with your child was bait and switch; I loved the idea of a son, but I had no idea what to do with the squirming baby I was awkwardly holding. I silently wondered if I could get my money back.

I was 24 years old and woefully unprepared to be a parent. Most of the time I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, and I made more mistakes than I could count. My son and I grew up together, and I think he taught me more than I ever taught him.

Now he has kids of his own, and he’s a fantastic husband and father. It is hard to put into words how proud I am of him, even If I deserve very little of the credit. I wouldn’t trade being a father for anything, but it has been a challenging ride.

After raising my own kids, and working with thousands of other families, here are a few things I’ve learned about being a dad, or a mom for that matter.

No one is ever quite ready to be a parent
If you aren’t terrified the day you take your child home from the hospital you aren’t paying attention. There is no instruction manual or YouTube channel to show you how to be a great parent. There are great resources to help along the way, but in the end it’s up to you. That’ll scare anyone.

The best you can do is the best you can do
God chose you to parent your children. He knows you are goofy, clueless and immature (maybe that’s just me), but he chose you anyway. You can’t be the perfect parent, or live up to the unrealistic expectations of others, all you can do is the best you can do. So do your best, and don’t worry about what anyone else is doing.

You deserve less blame, or credit, for how your children turn out
Unless you really go out of your way to mess them up, there’s nothing you can do that will guarantee how your kids will turn out. I have a friend who raised four boys all born within six years. They were raised in the same environment by the same parents; three of them turned out great, and one of them is a knucklehead. Kids will ultimately make their own choices despite how they are brought up.

Relax, laugh and enjoy the ride
One Sunday my son and his cousin got into the church secretary’s whiteout and used it to paint all over her desk, keyboard, and computer monitor. When we came in, it looked like a paint bomb had gone off. At times like that you just have to laugh. Yes, I’m probably a terrible parent, but the world will not end because of it.

So this Father’s Day, don’t worry so much about all the ways you fall short as a dad or mom. Spend a little time being thankful that of all the potential parents in the world, God chose you. You are exactly who they need.

What the biggest lesson you have learned so far from being a parent?

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/1QaXTqj
via IFTTT

Get Ready for the Questions Coming Your Way

Several nights ago our daughter came to us with a curious look in her eyes, almost as if she was embarrassed or did something wrong and on the verge of tears. We dropped what we were doing and asked what was wrong, but she was hesitant to let whatever was bubbling below the surface come out for us to hear. After some back and forth, she finally told us what was on her mind.

She had questions—lots of questions about . . .
faith and God.
Jesus and how salvation works.
what heaven like and why people believe different things about God.

In a matter of seconds, all of the questions came spilling out like water from a hydrant. And over the next hour or so, we unpacked some of the answers. Her questions were real and sometimes difficult. I was digging deep into the memory banks from seminary classes I took years ago.

We said, “I don’t know” . . . a lot.

We hugged her, told her we loved her, and thanked her for being willing to ask the questions in the first place. She had more questions, but it was time for bed. We reassured her that we were available anytime she wanted to talk.

As Jenna and I talked through what had just happened two things occurred to me.

First, we should have seen this coming. I’ve studied child development. I know that she’s in the tween phase of life when the brain unlocks it’s ability for abstract thinking. Conversations like this were bound to happen sooner or later.

And second, no amount of study, seminary training or years of Christian school and church youth group can really prepare you for the first time your own child looks into your eyes and asks difficult faith questions of their own.

But that being said, we can be prepared as possible.
Here are a few ideas to keep in mind:

1. Questions are good.

Reassure your kids that there is nothing wrong or embarrassing about having faith questions. They are a normal part of having faith. We tend to forget the similar questions we had when we were growing up. And if we’re honest with ourselves, we probably still have things about our faith in God that we don’t fully understand. This is a chance for you to invite your kids to join you in discovering more about God. Together, you can explore answers to these questions and help your kids form a faith of their own.

2. Don’t freak out.

How you respond the first time your kids ask a difficult question is a test. They want to know if they can trust you with hard conversations. If you freak out, chances are high that you’re not going to be the first person they think to ask when they have another difficult question. But if you freak out on the inside but stay calm and collected on the inside as you walk them through their questions, they’ll trust you with the next one. Each new question is a chance for you to reinforce the open lines of communication with your kids.

3. Respond honestly and with grace.

Don’t makeup answers you’re not quite sure about. While you want to be the person you want them to turn to when they have questions, being honest and saying “I don’t know” is a better way for you to build trust. Kids would rather have you honest than have you guess and be wrong. This could also create a great opportunity for you work together to find answers.

And if you do know the answer to their question, how you respond matters. Watch your tone of voice and your mannerisms—don’t unintentionally make them feel like their question is insignificant. Their faith is just starting to grow. What’s obvious to you is often new information to them.

4. Get help.

No one person has all the answers. If you are connected to a local church, ask them for resources that might help you find the answers to your kid’s questions.

This is also a good opportunity to partner with your child’s small group leader or Sunday School teacher. Let another adult who is investing in your child’s life in on the questions your child is asking and check in periodically for updates to see what other questions might be coming up in conversations.

5. Be present.

Reassure your kids that you’re available to continue these conversations. Don’t pester them and continually ask if they’re okay. Just be there when they have questions. Put the book down and the phone away and actively listen to your what your kids are asking. As long as you respond with care every time, they will keep coming to you.

Each time your kids face a faith crisis of some sort the most important thing you can do is to keep the lines of communication open by creating a safe place to process their questions and doubts. And pray. Pray that God will give you the words to say. Pray that the wrestling will lead to your kids having a faith of their own.

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/1S4y6tT
via IFTTT

16 TIPS FOR GETTING FIT IN 2016 (mid-year reminder)

Remember those New Year’s Resolutions from January? It’s mid-year and it’s still not too late to make them happen. In fact, now that it’s summer, it may be the best time. Here are 16 Tips for Getting Fit in the second half of 2016.

1. No shortcuts. Don’t believe the hype of discounted gym fees, diet pills, herbal cleanses and promises of results in a week or month. I know there will be people who disagree with this, but remember the disclaimer, “results not typical.” Sometimes these gimmicks are helpful to get you started, but they will not sustain you. People who commit to a lifestyle over shortcuts find results every time!
2. Keep it simple. Eat right and exercise. These are the components of health and fitness. In terms of results, my experience teaches me that 75% of results come from diet and 25% exercise.
3. Fitness movement of the year: push your plate away. Eat smaller portions, more times a day.
4. Vanity goals will almost always be counterproductive to true fitness. Get truly fit and you will look like it.
5. Focus on lead measures not lag measures. The top two lag measures are the mirror and the scale – both focus on the unchangeable past and often cause discouragement. Lead measures are actionable steps and habits that focus on the future.
6. Don’t let “cheat meal” become code language for, “weekend calorie binge.” If you cheat, enjoy it, then back on the wagon.
7. Know your diet weaknesses. Mine are potato chips, ice cream and cheese. Create some guardrails to protect your goals.
8. Sweat daily. A formal workout is certainly ideal, but not always possible. When you can’t hit the gym, do something. Walk, play with your kids, run up and down your stairs at home…just try to break a sweat every day.
9. You need a friend…or 5. I have 5 other men that work out with me and hold me accountable to my fitness. I absolutely would not work as hard or consistently without them. Likewise, I try to return the favor for them. Success is multiplied by the people around you!
10. Sleep more. Sleep is the biggest frustration in my fitness pursuits. Sleep is critical to recovery and mood. 7-8 hours is ideal, I’m lucky to get 6. I’m really trying to up my sleep in 2016. Sleep quality could be improved by limiting caffeine to before 2pm.
11. Water. We all know we need more water. A decent minimum is 1 liter for every 60-70 pounds of body weight. I aim for a full gallon every day.
12. Plan your meals. Planning and prepping food for each day is time consuming but eliminates unnecessary compromises during the day.
13. Proper form. When it comes to your exercises, require yourself to complete the movements with proper form and technique. This will not only help prevent injury, it will prepare you for greater complexity and higher levels of fitness later. There are plenty of tutorials on YouTube, but the best money spent on fitness is a coach/personal trainer.
14. Get an annual physical. Your health insurance probably provides this at no cost. A proper physical can give you a great annual measurement by which you can gauge your overall health. Make sure your doctor runs complete bloodwork, checks all your vital signs and does a general examination of your body’s appearance and function. Make sure your doctor understands your health and fitness goals and serves as a partner and your health not simply a last resort when you get sick.
15. Make it fun. If you don’t like traditional cardio and weights, pick something else. I do CrossFit and love it. Pick something you enjoy that you will do consistently. If pursuing physical health is strictly a chore, you will not maintain it. Your physical health and wellness is about LIFE, enjoy it!
16. You were created by God and for God, so do not neglect spiritual disciplines on your journey to good health. Your health stretches well beyond your physical body. We all need a personal connection with our Creator and a fresh reminder of our God-given purpose and mission to fulfill. If you’re simply living for yourself, you could end up a very fit but miserable person. Your life matters not only for today, but it matters for eternity.

Happy New Year!
Commitment. Consistency. Change.

from MarriedPeople Couples http://ift.tt/1UsnX02
via IFTTT

ONE OF THE BEST DECISIONS WE MADE IN OUR BEDROOM

As a single guy and for the first 11 years of our marriage, I had a television in my bedroom. I rationalized this decision under the excuse that I/we don’t watch a lot of television. Whether you watch a lot of television, watch in moderation or are one of those people who doesn’t watch television at all, studies show that the average American watches 35 hours of TV per week!

A few friends lovingly challenged Kristen and me to get rid of the TV in the bedroom. I argued, made excuses and rationalized, but finally decided to get rid of the bedroom TV. Do we regret it? No way. Here are 9 reasons why we are glad we got rid of it (and reasons why we think you should consider it as well).

1. We’re not watching trash on television we don’t need to watch. We are very careful about what we watch on TV and in movies. We don’t watch shows or movies with nudity and we certainly don’t want our kids to watch anything along those lines. But, having a TV in our bedroom allowed me to compromise in the past what we watch. In other words, we watched things in the bedroom that we probably would not have watched in our family room.
2. We get more and better sleep. Kristen and I already compromise when it comes to sleep. Having a TV in our bedroom further compromised this issue. Even when we were tired, we found ourselves turning on the TV and losing a few more minutes of sleep every night. Watching TV late at night also has the potential of messing with our sleep cycles (really any bright light can do this). We get to bed earlier and get the rest our bodies need.
3. The alternatives are much better. We get to:
   • Talk more. Our days are full. Four boys, busy jobs, ministry, school involvement and sports. By the time we reach the end of the day, Kristen and I have not had much time to catch up on our days. Sometimes our time to catch-up is when we plop down in bed at night. We’d lose our connection time if we were consumed by TV. Watching TV helps me avoid conversations and can mask marital problems. When the TV is gone I have more time and attention to give to the most important person in my life.
   • Pray more. We have always struggled with praying in marriage. Having a television in our bedroom certainly did not lead us to spend more time in prayer together as a couple.
   • Read more. I love to read, and bedtime provides one of the best times to read. More TV = less reading. Get rid of that TV! I love what Michael Hyatt says about the benefits of reading.
   • When the TV is on, we don’t talk, pray, read or enjoy relations (see #9 below).
4. Save some money: You only have to pay for cable in one room and you can sell your extra television! #stewardship
5. Getting rid of our bedroom TV is the application of wise counsel from friends who love us and care for our marriage. I don’t always agree with and adhere to the counsel and wisdom of friends/community, but when our friends suggested we get rid of the TV, I had no good arguments and figured it was worth a try. We always want to be people who are willing to listen to the counsel and wisdom of friends. I hope we’re teachable and open to wise counsel (Proverbs 13:20, 27:6). Consider this post wise counsel from a friend.
6. Saves you time. We learn this lesson every time we turn on the TV downstairs to catch up on the previous day’s sports scores. The average time for our kids to get ready for school multiplies by what seems like a factor of 10 when we have the TV on. Same for you and me – when the TV is on, it takes longer to get ready for bed and longer to get ready in the morning. I can use every spare minute I can find most days. Something I recently discovered is that the key to success for me tomorrow is by preparing for tomorrow, today! If I can plan ahead the night before, lay out my clothes, pack my lunch and clear my desk for Bible study in the morning, I will accomplish more. Watching TV at night will only distract me from reaching my goals tomorrow.
7. Getting rid of the television in your bedroom provides a great example for your children. We won’t allow a television in our kid’s bedroom and we know our decision to not have one in our room provides us with more integrity as we have this conversation with our children.
8. Provides a safe place to work on our marriage. I don’t have any research-based response on this, but having a TV in your bedroom cannot possibly help your marriage. Our bedroom is about the only room in our house where our kids don’t rule/control/have access to. By keeping our kids and television out of our bedroom, we have more time to focus on each other.
9. You knew this one would be on the list: more time for intimacy. I put it as last on the list, because I don’t want this to be the sole motivation for getting rid of the television in your bedroom. It should be one of top reasons, but it can’t be the only reason. The better goal is to grow your marriage. Consequently, more intimacy is one of the best ways to grow your marriage.

Let me keep it real… There are times we regret not having a television in the bedroom; specifically during college football season. There are Saturday nights when we wish we could watch the late night college football games in the comfort of our bedroom. Or some nights we would like to snuggle in bed and watch a movie together. In the long run, we still stand by our decision to get rid of the bedroom TV.

You know how sometimes you can feel judged by the decisions someone else makes? For instance, I, at times, feel judged by people who don’t watch television period. Because of my own insecurities, I believe they are judging me because I watch television.

In his excellent book Respectable Sins, Jerry Bridges says judgmentalism is when we equate our opinions with truth. My opinion about bedroom TVs is not truth; it’s an opinion. My intent is not to ‘judge you’ if you have a television in your bedroom. I am not saying you’re sinning by having a television in your bedroom (Scott 3:16 “Though shalt not have a TV in thy bedroom!). My hope is to spur on some conversation for you and your spouse. 

By the way, as a friend just reminded me – this applies to you single men and women as well. Don’t start a habit now as a single individual that you may wish you could change down the road if you get married.

Your Turn:

• Have a conversation. Do you have a television in your bedroom? If so, why? If not, then why not?
• If you have a TV in your bedroom, would you be willing to take it out of your room for 30 days and see what happens?

from MarriedPeople Couples http://ift.tt/1toliKo
via IFTTT

Six Ways Ministry Spouses Get Hurt

by Thom Rainer

“Hey, I’m not on the church payroll. Go complain to someone else!”
The moment the words left his mouth, he knew he blew it. His wife was the church’s children’s minister. Too often he received complaints about the ministry as if it were his responsibility. On that one occasion, he lost his temper after one complaint too many.

We often lose sight of those in churches whose spouses serve on staff. These are the spouses of executive pastors, youth pastors, children’s pastors, lead pastors, and others. We have heard from these spouses through thousands of comments at ThomRainer.com.

We want you to see the six issues we have heard most frequently. We want you to be aware of them so you can offer ministry, encouragement, and friendship to spouses of those who serve in the church. Sometimes those are among the loneliest people in the church.

Here, then, are six of the most common ways ministry spouses get hurt:

1) Complaints about their spouses. A student ministry spouse heard complaints for months about her husband. The great tragedy was when the head of the personnel committee told her that her husband was about to be fired. The husband had not heard that news.

2) High expectations about ministry involvement. A pastor’s wife shared with us about an elder calling her house looking for her husband. Upon informing him her husband was not in, the elder asked her questions about the upcoming elders’ meeting. When the wife was not able to answer, the elder complained about her lack of knowledge about what was going on in the church.

3) Complaints about the children. One of the ways to inflict the greatest pain on someone is to attack his or her children. It is beyond belief how many church members expect a model of behavior for the minister’s family well beyond expectations of their own families. Cut a child and the parent bleeds.

4) Isolation. Some church members don’t know how to interact with ministry spouses, so they ignore them altogether. Vocational ministry can be lonely. Being the spouse of a vocational minister can be lonely as well.

5) Gossip and murmuring. Some churches have a modest level of gossip and murmuring. Other churches are pretty vocal with gossip and murmuring. At some point a spouse of a minister will hear something about his or her spouse. That hurts. That hurts a lot.

6) Going to the spouse with problems about the minister. A worship minister shared with us this tragic story. He was caught up in some worship wars, an all too common reality. The worship leader, however, was pretty thick-skinned, and moved forward despite the criticisms. When the critics saw they were not making progress with the worship leader, they began to attack his wife with their issues. She went into deep depression, and the worship leader ultimately left the church for his wife and family.

It is indeed tough to be in vocational ministry. But it’s also tough to be the spouse of these ministers. Pray for them. Encourage them. Befriend them.
This article was originally published at ThomRainer.com on January 27, 2016. Thom S. Rainer serves as president and CEO of LifeWay Christian Resources. Among his greatest joys are his family: his wife Nellie Jo; three sons, Sam,  Art, and Jess; and nine grandchildren. Dr. Rainer can be found on Twitter @ThomRainer and at http://ift.tt/1iyswOU.

Reposted according to the guidelines at ThomRainer.com. 

from MarriedPeople Couples http://ift.tt/1Ux4jfk
via IFTTT

Growing in Grace

The believer is encouraged to "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." (2 Peter 3:18)

Just as a baby is born with the DNA of adult maturity within it, so the believer is born again with the fullness of Christ's character. Nobody would doubt that the baby's teeth are not there. The teeth cannot be seen but they will appear in time. So too, the believer can grow into Godly character over time. Growth is progressive but sure. 2 Peter 1:5-8 says "add to your faith, virtue, to virtue, knowledge, to knowledge, self control, to self control, perseverance..." We are often painfully aware of the absence of qualities like patience and perseverance however when we are under the pump begin to confess, "Jesus , you are my patience." Try it next time you are waiting in a queue. When you feel like quitting, begin to confess, "Jesus , you are my perseverance." As we begin to draw down on His qualities that are in us we will begin to display them.

The place of pressure is more often also the catalyst for growth. The story of Joseph in Genesis illustrates character growth under pressure. Joseph , whether in the pit, the prison or the palace, grew under pressure. He grew from being somewhat self absorbed to becoming a mature man, no longer obsessed with what had gone wrong. His brothers were his grace growers. We all have grace growers. How else will we grow into His character? Joseph would eventually give thanks for his brothers, the same brothers who wanted to harm him. Maturity says "what was intended for evil, God will use for good - even for the saving of many lives." This is what growing into the grace of Jesus Christ looks like.

The 'secret' of Joseph's growth was that he knew that God was with him. He realised the favour of God. Favour is not necessarily about favourable circumstances or situations. It is however about knowing that God is with you at all times.  It is knowing that the character of Jesus is within you. The apostle Paul said "I count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord for whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish that I may gain Christ...that I may know Him". (Phil.3:8-10) Paul was motivated by gain. When we know that the Spirit of God wants to grow us in the grace and knowledge of Jesus, we are motivated in a positive way. Many 'successful' people are motivated by negativity or shortfall. They want to prove a point to their critics. They may even vow to 'get even'. Paul, by contrast, was willing to count all things - the good, the bad and the downright ugly, as losses - not worthy of resurrection or being reminded of.







This blog is based on a message called Growing in Grace by Ross Smith at The Vine church, Logan City, Queensland, Australia on Sunday 12th June 2016. The full message can be accessed by podcast www.thevine.org.au/teachings.

Mr Super Sensitive

by Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti:
My husband is great at many things, but sometimes he struggles with getting a new task accomplished. Like, he’s great at carpentry, but it might take him two or three days to figure out how to create a new type of bookcase I want for the kids’ bedroom. But when I offer an opinion or suggest a solution, he goes ballistic. Why is he so sensitive? I’m just trying to help and he acts like I’m trying to stick a pin in his eye. Am I supposed to just shut up and quit offering my input when I think there’s a better way to do something? What happened to being equal partners? –Walking On Eggshells

Dear Eggshells,
Part of being equal partners means getting in tune with how each other think: and right now, you’re way off key. It will help you a lot to understand how men think — which, admittedly, can seem really weird at times.

When I started researching men, one of the things that most surprised me is how important it is for a man to feel that his wife trusts, appreciates and respects him — and how surprisingly easy it is for him to feel that she doesn’t! See, “super sensitive” is just code for “secretly insecure”. A guy has a lot of hidden self-doubt. He desperately wants to be a great husband who can meet your needs, be your hero and make you proud –but he worries that he’s not up to the task. Or, even worse, that you will see that he’s not up to the task.

In so many cases, when a man is trying to get something done, the issue is not really about the problem he’s trying to solve, it’s about whether you think he’s adequate to solve it.

Let’s say the two of you are late for an important dinner, he’s driving, you’re lost, the GPS was wrong, and he doesn’t want to stop to ask for directions.

For him, trying to find his way is not just an adventure; it is a test. A test of whether he is capable to figure it out on his own. He wants to be the hero who is going to get his lady to that dinner on time. He wants to be a success in your eyes. So when you tell him he needs to stop and ask some other guy for directions, you’ve just told him he’s a failure. That he’s inadequate. Now here is where we women think men are way too sensitive. We’re not calling our man a failure—we’re just being efficiency experts, right? But we also might think, Okay, so he feels inadequate. But at least we got there on time. What’s the big deal?
Actually, it is a big deal.

See, for most of us as women, feeling inadequate is unpleasant. For most men it is excruciating. It hurts more than anything else ever can – especially when he feels like he’s inadequate for you.

My husband Jeff explained it to me this way: “It’s easy for a woman to say, ‘Oh, he’s being too sensitive.’ Maybe she’s right, but that’s because a guy has a deep doubt that he knows what he’s doing — and therefore a deep need to know that the person who knows him best is going to choose to believe in him, regardless. Aren’t there things women are insecure and ultra-sensitive about, too? Would a woman like it if her husband teased her about gaining 10 pounds? Everyone is ultra-sensitive about something that touches on a deep insecurity.”

So what’s a woman to do? As one woman asked at a conference where I was speaking: “So, then, what do you say when your husband is driving around in circles? ‘I’m proud of you’?”

Everyone in the room had a good laugh over that one, me included. But here’s how I answered:

When a man is trying to accomplish anything (whether that’s building bookcases or trying to get somewhere on time), it makes all the difference if you ask yourself one question: What matters most in this situation? Is it A) that this thing gets accomplished, and does so in the way I think best? Or is it B) meeting my man’s deepest emotional need, avoiding hurt to him, and preserving the relationship? 

In most cases—although certainly not all—when you look at it that way there’s no contest. You may not say “I’m so proud of you” when he’s driving in circles (!) but perhaps you force yourself to remain silent. Perhaps you force yourself to trust that he is not an idiot and that because he is excruciatingly aware of the time ticking away and is anxious not to fail you, that he will come up with a solution.

And if you find yourself in that rare situation where getting the thing accomplished, and accomplished in your way, it is worth the hurt to the relationship, just remember: what matters most is not what you say but how you say it. The men I interviewed said it felt very different if you explained your worry instead of ordering him to pull over. (“Honey, I’m beginning to get nervous that we might be late. Normally, I’d be okay if we drove a bit longer, but since this is a huge meeting would you mind if we stopped and I asked for directions?”)

Although your man is indeed sensitive inside, realize it is because he deeply wants to be your hero. So find ways to show him that you think he is the strong and competent man he wants to be! And if you do, you’ll see that sensitivity arising a lot less often.

 

Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage, and her newest book, Through A Man’s Eyes. A Harvard-trained social researcher and popular speaker, her findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.  * Wish Shaunti could speak at an event in your area? You can reach out to Naomi for more information at NDuncan@shaunti.com.

Reposted with permission. This article originally appeared here.

 

from MarriedPeople Couples http://ift.tt/1tmg4PX
via IFTTT

What Motivates Teenagers on Social Media

Often parents feel like kids are tethered to their phones, constantly glancing or full-on staring into a screen. It’s unnerving.

But before we judge kids or insist they “put that thing down,” we need to understand what motivates them to check social media so frequently. At the Fuller Youth Institute, we’re fans of the adage, “There’s a belief behind every behavior.” By identifying our kids’ motivations, we can empathize before we seek solutions. Without this empathy, our conversations about boundaries, rules, and good decisions get lost in translation.

Teenagers often seem hypersocial to adults because they are in a stage of life when they begin to form their own identities. The question “Who am I?” plays like background music on a continuous loop throughout adolescence. Teenagers largely work on the answer to this question through relationships. And with lots of experimentation.

So why do teenagers constantly check social media? Why do they care so much about the likes, shares, and posts from their friends? We’ve found it helpful to think about social media as today’s version of the school lunchroom.

School cafeterias have always been a kind of petri dish within which young people experiment—a social laboratory. To parents and educators, the noon break is about eating lunch. But for teens, it can be the defining moment of the entire day. Every lunch is a kid’s opportunity to try out an identity, observe, tweak the formula a bit, and get ready to test out a new version of themselves tomorrow.

Parents often underappreciate how a quick scroll through social media can be a lot like scanning the lunchroom. Young people have very sophisticated ways of conveying social cues with digital media that we may struggle to see. Many of these cues are non-verbal, the equivalent of a thousand words in one image. That’s why phenomena like emoji and photo sharing catch on like wildfire (and keep evolving). It’s also why monitoring all the likes, shares, votes, and views is so important for our kids. And the irony of the lunchroom analogy is that often today’s teenagers are also using social media in their actual lunchrooms, navigating all these layers at once.

It turns out teenagers’ drive to connect today is the motivated by the same social drive that helped us to form our identities decades ago, with new technologies layered in. And just like you used to talk to your friends on a home phone—probably one attached to a wall, maybe with a long curly cord—the basic need to connect remains.

In other words, our kids are a lot like us after all. The more we understand that reality, the more we can help our kids discover their identity through relationships—whether or not those bonds are forged digitally. They’re just navigating the journey in the only world they’ve ever known, and it’s a digitally connected one.

This article was adapted with permission from Kara Powell, Art Bamford, and Brad M. Griffin, Right Click: Parenting Your Teenager in a Digital Media World.

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/24yKNV5
via IFTTT

MarriedPeople Spotlight: Devonshire Church

We have amazing MarriedPeople partner churches. These marriage champions are taking the MarriedPeople resources and doing things that are above and beyond anything we dreamed about.

We want you to meet them. So once a month, we’ll spotlight a different church that is impacting not only the marriages in their church, but in their community. We want you to meet people from churches of all sizes, large and small, in various types of communities, whether urban, rural or suburban, with budgets big and small and volunteers plenty or scarce. Regardless of how different these churches may be from yours, we think you’ll find some relevancy to where you are.

We gave them a list of questions to find out more about their church, their team and their ministry. This month, we would like to introduce you to Brent McClintock at Devonshire Church in Harrisburg, PA.

Church: Devonshire Church (Harrisburg, PA)
MarriedPeople champion: Brent McClintock

Size of your church: 200

Approximate number of married couples: 70

Describe the area you are in: suburban

Tell Us About . . . You and Your Team

I am a volunteer.

How did you get involved in marriage ministry? Our Senior pastor attended a previous Orange Conference and wanted to start a marriage ministry. He asked me to get involved.

How many people are on your marriage ministry team? There are three couples that volunteer, either to coordinate the food and decorations or to help on stage at each Large Group event.

How did you recruit your team? Direct ask, based on knowing their personality and skills. It’s also great to find a couple with a thriving marriage to be involved.

Tell Us About . . . How You Use the MarriedPeople Resources and Strategy

What resources do you use from MarriedPeople? We use the Larger Group Experiences and monthly MarriedPeople E-ZINEs from the Strategy Pack.

What does the calendar year look like with your marriage strategy? We’ve used MarriedPeople for two years, running quarterly Large Group Nights, and send out the E-ZINE’s every month to those who signed up for it. Last year we attempted a Date Night. This year we’re planning to drop back to two Large Group events, at least one Date Night, and one Small Group session.

What are some of the unique challenges to planning events in your community, and how have you worked around them? Our first year events were on Friday evenings and attended well. We tried switching to Saturdays to make the evening less hectic, but our attendance has dipped. We’re currently surveying previous attenders to see what their preference is. But our biggest challenge is the congregation’s hesitance to RSVP. Despite all possible announcements, social media, etc., most tend to wait till one week prior to RSVP. This makes planning very very difficult.

Share with us one way you took the MarriedPeople resources and customized them to fit your church. Actually, the resources provided in the Strategy Pack are so flexible already that we’ve mostly just used the script provided.

What has been on really great thing that has come from using MarriedPeople? It’s been a great discussion starter. Some of our couples have shared how much they appreciated hearing from others around their table, and that they look forward to the Night Out events.

What has been your biggest fail and what did you learn from it? Changing events to Saturdays without asking first. I should’ve surveyed the group before making the change, instead of making the decision based solely on what I thought would be good for other people.

What’s your dream to happen next? For our couples to invite their friends and family. We’ve had a small number, but this is such a visitor-friendly opportunity, I’d love to see this take off in a direction where couples can introduce people to a Gospel community by being involved in improving their own marriage.

Thanks, Brent, and the awesome team impacting marriages in Harrisburg, PA! 

For more about Devonshire Church, check out their website. 

To connect with other MarriedPeople leaders, request to join the MarriedPeople Leaders Facebook group.

from MarriedPeople Couples http://ift.tt/1UwcSXr
via IFTTT

How To Talk To Your Kids about the Election

Every four years, we Americans have a unique opportunity to talk with our children about the presidential election. It’s that time again, so I thought it would be helpful to review the best steps you can take.

How to talk to your kids about the election:

1. Don’t.
2. Please refer to step 1.

That would be easier, wouldn’t it? When my kids were toddlers, they had very little concern for policy change unless that policy involved chicken strips. They had some very strong opinions about chicken strips and the assurance from me as their elected official that the supply of chicken strips would not diminish.

But for the most part, we never talked about politics.

Now, I have a ten-year-old and a twelve-year-old. Just last week, my younger daughter said to me out of the blue, “Boy, this election is going to be crazy! Don’t you think?”

Until that moment, I hadn’t considered that she might have questions and thoughts of her own about the election year. So if the first two steps didn’t help you, here are a few things I’ve learned about talking to kids about politics:

1.Start with questions.

You’d be amazed at what your kids will say when you ask the question, “What have you heard about the election?” You might think they’re not thinking what’s going on, but they are. They have opinions. They’ve heard things at school. They’ve listened to rhetoric from their friends’ parents. A great starter approach to this whole conversation is to simply ask them questions.

2. Don’t hand them rumors or sound bites.

Kids tend to repeat and remix the things we tell them. You might think you’re just making an off-hand, snide comment about a candidate, but your kids are in the backseat taking invisible notes. Be deliberate about how you talk about the election without letting the conversation turn into heresy and gossip.

3. Talk about values.

The election is a great chance for you to discuss what’s important to you as a family. It’s one thing to talk about your values around the dinner table, it’s another to see them represented nationally in a debate. Help them understand that what you believe at home impacts how you personally cast your vote.

---

The election is a great chance for you to discuss what’s important to you as a family.
Click To Tweet

---

4. Be upfront about the sensitivity of the topic.

Kids don’t understand that politics, much like religion, is a sensitive topic. Discussing it in the safety of your own home gives them a chance to learn how to talk about it. It’s fine to tell their friend’s dad why your family prefers cats, instead of dogs. If on the other hand, your 8-year-old tells him that his candidate is a hack, it might make for a more awkward dinner party.

5. Keep the dialog open.

It’s a long election cycle. This isn’t a one and done type of topic. Leave the conversation open so that your kids can discuss it with you more than once.

On the day I wrote this, my daughters asked me at breakfast who I was going to vote for. Just like that, politics were back on the table.

Here’s hoping you find a way to have the same conversation at your house.

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/1XwssJI
via IFTTT

Toddlers Have Super Powers

My son started walking about three months ago.

It took less than three days to realize we had entered a whole new world. A world where he could now access the dog at will and climb up the kitchen island when something shiny caught his attention.

Like knives.

This kid hasn’t even hit 20 pounds yet, but he has no trouble keeping me and my husband’s combined 300 pounds on the move every waking hour.

It really isn’t human.

In fact, it’s superhuman.

Science backs me up on this. To start with, my son’s hearing is better than mine. Sure, all it takes is a little snuffle on the monitor to wake me up from a dead sleep. But as a toddler, my kid can hear higher frequencies than I—something he shares with the dog (along with his lunch and stuffed animals).

In addition to super-human hearing, he’s ambidextrous. Most toddlers can use both hands equally, without preference. This may explain why my son likes a utensil in each hand at mealtimes; he can fling oatmeal and applesauce with comparable force using either hand.

Related: It’s Just a Phase…Don’t Miss It

My son’s brain is working overtime, too. A toddler brain has something like 100 trillion synapses. That’s twice the connections between cells in an adult brain. In fact, between ages one and two, the cerebral cortex adds more than 2 million new synapses every second. If that blows your mind, just consider how their little minds are nearly exploding with new possibilities every single moment. It might even help explain the instant meltdown triggered when you veto a second cup of chocolate milk.

Along with the rapidly forming brain connections comes an explosion of new language.

While my son isn’t talking much yet, he understands hundreds of words. Within the next six months, he’ll likely start to pick up five new vocabulary words every day. That’s about one word every two waking hours.

And returning to what makes a toddler a toddler—getting around on their feet—kids age one and two take faster steps than we do. Sure, their stride is a bit limited, but they make up for that in super speed. In fact, a two-year-old is more active than they will be at any other point in their lives. We’re already bracing ourselves for that wild—and certainly messy—ride.

Though he wasn’t bitten by a spider or irradiated with gamma rays, my son clearly has superpowers. And if your child is one or two, God has gifted them with superior abilities, too. It may be just a phase, but it’s a phase that’s equipping them for the rest of their lives. 

So take a deep breath, put on your running shoes, pour another cup of coffee (which you won’t finish hot)—and don’t miss it.

If you want to know more about what toddlers can do and how to navigate the toddler phase, there’s a new Phase book just for you called One and Two: Parenting Through the “I Can Do It Phase”. There’s a lot more to discover about each phase of a kid’s life and how not to miss it. Learn more about the Phase Project.

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/1WBsFuk
via IFTTT

3 Shows Every Married Couple Should Watch Together

by Dave Willis

I’ve always believed that one of best things we can do for our marriage and families is to watch LESS television, BUT I also believe that watching the right shows can actually have a positive impact on us. I think every couple could benefit from watching three shows: A show to help you LEARN TOGETHER, a show to help you DREAM TOGETHER, and a show to help you LAUGH TOGETHER. When my wife Ashley and I cuddle up on the couch for a show, here are some of our favorites…

1. A show to help you LEARN TOGETHER.
There are plenty of shows that teach us about history in an entertaining way (like historical fictions such as Downton Abbey and highly-entertaining non-fiction like Mysteries at the Museum which is also a favorite of our kids). One show Ashley and I love watching is HGTV’s Fixer Upper with Chip and Joanna Gaines. Chip and Joanna are not only great at bringing new life to old houses and teaching the viewers how to do better home improvements; they’re also authentically modeling the fun, friendship and partnership necessary for a strong marriage. Watching this real-life married couple interact is one of the most beautiful love stories on TV.

For more on Chip and Joanna’s story, you can check out their new book here.

2. A show to help you DREAM TOGETHER.
Ashley and I love watching shows that help us dream new dreams. One of our favorites is Shark Tank which puts entrepreneurs in front of a panel of “sharks” to pitch their ideas. Watching these entrepreneurs share their dreams and watching these seasoned veteran “sharks” share their expertise helps us dream new dreams for our own ideas and future endeavors. We also love dreaming about travel by watching shows like House Hunters International or House Hunters Caribbean Life. Watching people shop for real estate in international or exotic locations helps us dream of new places we’d like to visit someday and even gives us the feel of having had a 30-minute vacation without having to leave our couch!

3. A show to help you LAUGH TOGETHER.
Life’s stressful enough, so we don’t typically like a lot of “drama” in our TV shows, but we’re always up for some laughs! Laughter is good for the soul and there are plenty of good comedies out there. The trick is to find a good comedy that isn’t raunchy in the process. Some of our favorites include The Middle, Everybody loves Raymond and The Office. A rerun of one of these three shows is playing nearly 24/7, so they’re easy to find.

The more moments you can share together with your spouse, the stronger your marriage will become. I hope these show suggestions provide another opportunity to spend some quality time laughing, learning and dreaming together!

 

For daily encouragement to help your marriage, like Dave Willis’s “Marriage Page” on Facebook. Reposted with permission. This article originally appeared here.

from MarriedPeople Couples http://ift.tt/1X2idMt
via IFTTT

Making the Most of Your Family Rhythm

Sarah Anderson, co-author of the new student devotional Wired, Reggie Joiner, and Kristen Ivy discuss ways to be intentional with the moments that happen in the rhythm of your week to effectively talk about faith and build a strong relationship with your kids over time.

Listen to Parent Cue Live

The Parent Cue Live podcast is available on iTunes. Click here to subscribe and get each episode automatically.

To listen to this episode, click the player below. If you’re reading this via email or RSS, please click here.

Highlights

In this episode Sarah, Reggie, and Kristen discussed:

• how to create a rhythm in your home using the moments throughout your week that are repeated

• the emotional culture around the 4 key times during your family’s day

  • Morning Time
  • Drive Time
  • Meal Time
  • Bedtime
• the importance of asking specific questions
• not letting the fact that you aren’t doing it as much as you would like to cause you to stop doing it

Quotes

---

Stop treating faith as a destination; its a journey.
Click To Tweet

---

---

Often, the smaller questions you ask your kids, the bigger the answer you will get.
Click To Tweet

---

---

Fight for a relationship with your kids by reordering what you do every week.
Click To Tweet

---

Episode Links

• Sarah on Twitter: @sarahb_anderson
• Reggie on Twitter: @reggiejoiner
• Kristen on Twitter: @Kristen_Ivy
• The Phase Project
• Wired Devotional

Parent Cue

• Twitter: @theparentcue
• Instagram: @parentcue
• Facebook: fb.com/parentcue
• Pinterest: Parent Cue

Did you find this helpful? Help us spread the word!

Hopefully, this episode has helped you find a few practical ways to “do family better.” If you appreciated it, we would love if you would rate the podcast inside iTunes and leave us a review! Your rating and review help get the podcast in front of new parents and listeners. You can also click the buttons below to share this episode on your own social media channels. Thank you for listening!

from Parent Cue http://ift.tt/1UgzlI2
via IFTTT