Rage Against the Machine

by Tim Walker

Did you see what just got posted on Facebook?
I can’t believe she said that.
That company did that.
That school enforced that new rule.

You read it, and you got a little fired up, didn’t you?
How dare they!
How could they!
I will be heard. I will let everyone know how upset this makes me.
This is justified.

Maybe this isn’t you, but I bet you see it often.
We live in a culture that is filled with rage. We’re getting fired up about something all the time.
And it’s not just about social issues. Or even issues that are valid and deserve our attention.
This rage is starting to leak into our personal lives.

Our fuses are getting shorter.
We can go from zero to furious in six seconds flat.
We’re changing.
We’re being trained to feed on the frenzy of the moment.
Act first, ask questions later.

It can even spill over into our relationship with our spouse.
We overreact to the slightest thing.
We feel justified, even noble, when we take a stand against our spouse.
We’re doing battle. we’re waging wars. But i’m not sure anyone is winning.

There’s something at the core of all this, isn’t there?
There’s a fear. A mistrust.
We believe we are on the verge of something being permanently taken away from us.
We believe that we will be marginalized, discriminated against, looked down upon.

And if we’re not careful, we can begin to view our spouse that way.
We assume the worst when he or she says something.
We are constantly in defense mode.
We begin to trust that they really don’t have our best in mind, and every word or action is a test of that.

We’re no longer raging against the machine, against our culture that gets some enraged about everything.
We’re now directing that rage towards the person we entrusted our life too.
And the one who entrusted their life to us.
The one who we both made vows, promises—even if sometimes we’ve stumbled our way through them.

James wrote: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19 NIV).

We live in a culture that is slow to listen, quick to speak and quick to be come angry.
And some of us have replicated that culture in our homes.
We’ve fueled rage, fed it and let it fester with every fear or worry, whether real or imagined.

Show your spouse that you trust him or her.
You trust their heart.
You trust their motive.
Even if sometimes the words or actions mess that up.

Set aside rage, and take up grace.
Give him or her the benefit of the doubt.

Don’t let that one word . . .
Don’t let that one action . . .
Define who they are.
You know better.

 

Tim Walker is an editor on the MarriedPeople team, and a blogger at timswords.com.

 

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