by Carey Nieuwhof
You probably see it every week—leaders who undercut their influence by something they’ve said or posted.
Sometimes they blow it completely through one or two dumb moves. And sometimes you end up thinking “I’m not really sure I want to follow them anymore” but you’re not exactly sure why.
Loss of influence can be subtle, but it’s real. And it’s so easy to do if you’re not careful.
Because of constant—even daily— exposure, social media makes influence easier to gain . . . and that much easier to lose.
Almost every ministry leader is on social media today. And so is almost everyone they lead.
So the opportunity to squander your influence is that much higher. And often we do it without even realizing it.
So how do leaders undercut their influence on social media? Here are 6 subtle ways I’ve seen it happen.
1. Portraying a life everyone suspects isn’t real
It’s so tempting to portray a perfectly manicured life.
But everyone knows your marriage isn’t perfect and that your kids aren’t really as magnificently brilliant or wonderfully behaved as you let them on to be.
Bragging has become an online staple for many. Whether it’s kids’ awesome report cards, your house that can almost look like glossy mag/Pinterest/cable TV, or the selfie you and your spouse took on your date night.
But dig a little deeper and you’d discover:
You tweeted the two As, on the report card, but not the Cs.
The house only really looks showcase when you hold the camera at just the right angle just before sunset and as long as the dog doesn’t photobomb the shot or eat the pillow and you keep the peeling paint out of the pic.
The selfie was taken a half hour after the fight ended.
I know, I know. We’ve all been there.
So what’s the key to building authentic influence online?
I think it’s being real.
You probably don’t want to disclose every high or every low, but you do want to share a slice of everyday.
The truth is most of us are pretty average. And average resonates.
People want to know you’re real. Because if you are, they can relate to you. (That’s why we love behind the scene looks at celebrities…just to know they’re real people too.)
Oh, and God has a habit of using ordinary people.
2. Overdisclosing your struggles
So portraying a perfect life underdiscloses your struggles. But does being real mean you should overdisclose them?
Not in the least.
When you overdisclose your struggles (“I’m having a bad day, AGAIN”), you help nobody.
When you talk about your long list of problems or what’s wrong with the world, you can miss the fact that you’re not in a conversation with anyone on those issues.
You’re just pulling a dump and run.
I wrote more about how to find an appropriate level of transparency as a leader here.
These 3 rules have helped me figure out when to talk about something publicly and when not to.
Just because you need to tell someone your struggling doesn’t mean you need to tell everyone you’re struggling.
Tell a friend, and keep your phone in your pocket.
3. Posting when you’re emotional . . . or angry
Nothing good happens when you’re angry. And when you’re emotional, you rarely say things you’re proud of later on.
So please don’t tell us about it.
Sometimes you see emotional status updates like “So disappointed….” or “I can’t believe that just happened…”
I don’t know about you, but it makes me think the person just wants someone to take the bait and ask what happened or, more sadly, that the person doesn’t have anyone to talk to.
If you start throwing some store that didn’t process your return well, some leader or some other victim of your anger under the bus, it makes us wonder what you’re saying about us when we’re not the room.
If you’re angry, process it. Don’t tweet it.
Go to sleep, wake up the next morning and my guess is your anger will be gone. Your status update won’t be though.
Unless of course, you never published it.
Much smarter.
4. Playing politics
This is a personal opinion, but I think when ministry leaders jump into partisan politics, they lose influence.
I’m a Canadian, so I realize I’m likely suspect on all fronts here, but God isn’t a democrat or a republican, or a liberal or a conservative, or labour or coalition. He’s God.
And as a ministry leader, I’m called to lead all people. Even the people I disagree with.
I think when you play politics online, you squander your influence. So I don’t.
And we have people who vote in every direction at our church, which I think means we’re being the church.
5. Saying something publicly because you don’t have the guts to say it privately
You’ve seen those status updates.
“Some people are impossible to deal with!”
“I wish people would just….”
It’s easier to say it publicly than it is privately, isn’t it? Absolutely. For all of us.
But great leadership demands that difficult conversations happen privately, not publicly.
Talk to the person you’re upset with, not about them.
Go direct.
6. Talking only about yourself
Who’s your social media about?
Is it all about you?
Are you talking with others?
Showcasing something bigger than yourself?
Celebrating others?
We are all narcissists in one form or another, but social media has given us a platform to take self-indulgence and self-absorption to a whole new level.
We are in the middle of the rise of the selfie-generation. And with it comes a curse: a life devoted to self ultimately leaves us alone.
If you want to leverage influence well, spotlight others, even the people you lead.
A lot of us admire Donald Miller, but one of the things that makes his work so great is that although as a writer he tells his own story, he so often showcases others and has redesigned his blog to feature many writers. I love that.
Don’t make it all about you. Your influence will grow.
Those are 6 things I see that undercut influence online. How about you? What do you see that undercuts influence?
Carey Nieuwhof is the lead pastor of Connexus Community Church, a growing multicampus church north of Toronto and strategic partner of North Point Community Church. Prior to starting Connexus in 2007, Carey served for 12 years in a mainline church, transitioning three small congregations into a single, rapidly growing church.
He speaks to North American and global church leaders about leadership, change and personal growth. Carey is the author of “Leading Change Without Losing It” and co-authored “Parenting Beyond Your Capacity” with Reggie Joiner. He and his wife Toni live near Barrie, Ontario and have two sons, Jordan and Sam. He blogs at http://ift.tt/1bdw8GN and hosts the top-rated Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast every week.
Reposted with permission.
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