Till Death Do Us Part

by Ted Lowe

My mom passed away when I was ten. Her sister, my aunt, promised she would take care of my brother and me forever—she was 21. She kept that promise until the day she died suddenly at 49. I’m not sure whose death hurt me worse, my mom’s or my aunt’s.

I’m an Old Testament griever, gnashing of teeth, tearing of clothes. I’ve cried what some might call an embarrassing amount of tears . . . for a man . . . maybe even for a woman. But when you lose someone suddenly and too young, you just can’t imagine your heart will survive the trauma.

But then, you start to wake up. The grief induced novocaine starts to wear off and you start feeling moments of hope. And when God is in the equation, things can eventually happen that are stunningly unexpected. This is especially true in marriages that end in the way that many of us promised—till death do us part.

Both my dad and uncle eventually remarried. And the women they married have brought enormously needed life and love into our family. As a family we were and are able to embrace them and them us. Why? I believe largely in part because my dad and uncle’s first marriages ended with the completion and fulfillment of their vows.

Quite simply, but with no judgment, we didn’t have to deal with the baggage that comes with divorce. The problem with divorce is that it’s not just between the two people who get the divorce. The ripple effects are felt for generations. Yes there were growing pains figuring out how our new family would work. But it is typically easier for all involved when marriage ends the way we promised. Great moments can happen that leave some saying, “I could never do that.”

Let me tell you about my very much unlike Cinderella’s stepmom, stepmom:

• She loves my kids as much as she loves her own biological grandchildren. She is their Mamaw. It is rich to watch her love my kids and them love her!
• I even recently found out that she is the one who keeps flowers on my mom’s grave. When I was thanking her, she said, “She was your mom. I never want you and your brother to come by and there not be flowers on her grave.” Who does that? That’s what can happen when marriage ends the way we promised.

Now for Shelly, my uncle’s wife—I actually officiated their wedding. I heard through the grapevine that some people were amazed I said “yes” to their request to perform the ceremony. I understand why. They knew I loved my aunt more than life itself. But why wouldn’t I want my uncle to be happy? And oh how she makes him happy. And besides, he didn’t divorce my aunt, he loved her well for many years.

And besides it’s easy to love Shelly because she is the definition of lovable. She has brought love life back into my uncle’s life—into all of our lives. Shelly even has my aunt’s family over for Christmas every year. What?! Who could do that? She can, because my aunt and uncle’s marriage the way they promised.

Now I’m not saying that blended families where marriages end in divorce can’t be a beautiful picture of a family restored. We all know families where that is the case.

And again, I’m also not saying that there haven’t been bumps along the way. I’m just saying that when marriage ends the way we promised, we can do what others say they could never do—love in a way that is nothing short of stunning.

 

Ted Lowe is the Director of MarriedPeople, and the co-author of Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last. Follow Ted on Twitter @tedlowe.

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