In Sickness and In Health: Sickness

by Amanda Maguire

I, Amanda, take you, Jeff to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in SICKNESS and in HEALTH . . . ”

“SICKNESS” I am assuming encompasses grumpy moods, bad days at work, forgetful “mommy memory”, PMS, the flu, a hurt back, headaches, colonoscopies, surgeries, and cancer. HEALTH, that’s easy. That’s rainbows and butterfly kisses. That’s easy street, having our cake and eating it too!

Don’t get me wrong, its during the HEALTH that other life may get in the way and bring challenges into our marriages. But its the SICKNESS that will stop you in your tracks. You can see all of the world rushing around you and your suppose as you are both frozen in SICKNESS together, even if its only one of you that is SICK.

Not too long ago I was having some health issues, passing them off as nothing big. We endured my pain, grumpy moods and bad days as a “season” that would pass. During the long months ahead of constant SICKNESS we both became distant with each other and disengaged from our HEALHY marriage. I finally went to the doctor and held the news of what the most likely outcome was . . . cancer, alone.

Both Jeff and I have always been HEALTHY for the most part. This word that the doctors kept repeating was meant for someone else. A different lady and a different man. Jeff and I found out at the same time but we held our pain alone, together. He didn’t think I would want to talk about it in fear that I would cry and be sad all the time, and I hardened myself put on my army fatigues and planned my attack.

But in my silence I was  actually waiting for him to hold me and let me have a safe place to cry. We were not doing this SICKNESS thing well. For weeks we were more distant than ever. I finally cracked and yelled one morning, “If this is cancer I better die, because I can’t live like this anymore!!”

So that got his attention and allowed the flood gates of tears to flow and we both voiced the same  fears of going through this tragedy alone.

What a trial SICKNESS is on our marriages. It will expose who you really are as a couple and in our case it was terrifying. We were really bad at this part of marriage! Thank God we have an amazing marriage counselor that we see off and on and have been doing for the last 10 years. We called Carol to help walk us through.

We could not do this alone. We did not have the tools to know what the other needed in such a difficult time. It was the longest 2 weeks of our life. Days crawled like a turtle walking through peanut butter! Doctors, tests, procedures . . . tears and fears. And we learned how to meet each other right where we were at in the frozen pain, and silence. It was a marriage breakthrough! And God healed. It was mysterious and unexplainable.

He healed a marriage in SICKNESS and a body in SICKNESS as well.

 

 

Amanda Maguire has been married to a youth pastor for 12 years and now the lead pastor of a church for the past 3 years. (It’s the same guy!) They are raising a family with kids 11, 9, and 6 . Amanda is passionate about being a part of the divorce rate going down in her community and the happy healthy rate of marriages going up!

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