Replenishing Romance with A.W.E.*

by Jim Burns, PhD.

*Affection, Warmth and Encouragement

I have an extremely yellowed post it note on my desk at home that simply reminds me to treat my wife, Cathy, with A.W.E. It’s a simple concept that can be transforming for a marriage, but simple isn’t always easy. A.W.E. stands for affection, warmth and encouragement. Several years ago I began to ask myself “Am I only giving Cathy my emotional scraps?” It seemed like I was giving my best to others and not having much energy remaining for Cathy. So one day I wrote A.W.E. by the phone on my desk and decided that to the best of my ability I would try to offer A.W.E. to Cathy daily. My work and even the children were getting my best energy and Cathy was getting the leftovers.

I began to wonder what was it that Cathy needed. So I asked her. She wasn’t shy to tell me. She wanted more affection that focused on non-sexual touch, loving words and acts of kindness. I put an A by those needs for affection. Then she said she needed the positive attention I give to others to be given to her. At the time we had three teenagers living in our chaotic home and she wanted me to bring warmth and positive atmosphere to the home. I wrote the letter W. Lastly, she said, “I just need you to understand my stressful world right now. I know “your job is about changing the world” and my world tends to be more mundane but it’s still tough. I need a little affirmation now and then.” I wrote a big E down for encouragement. The letters, which stood for affection, warmth and encouragement, were all actions that I knew I could give her. Funny how three little words have made a difference in our marriage.

 

Affection: UCLA came out with a new report that it takes 8 to 10 meaningful touches a day for a couple to thrive. Along with proactively offering loving words and actions, you can transform a marriage that is stuck. Warmth: You can set the thermostat in your relationship to warmth simply by being intentional about creating a better atmosphere. Sometimes it means not reacting to an issue and simply filtering your thoughts and words. Encouragement: Mark Twain once said, “I can live two months on one good compliment.” I realized I had been taking Cathy’s constant sacrifice for granted. Now I try to encourage her daily. As I mentioned, this concept is so simple but not always easy to do. It takes discipline and intentionality to show A.W.E., but it’s always worth it.

 

Jim Burns is the president of HomeWord. He has written many books including Creating an Intimate Marriage, Closer: 52 Devotions to Draw Couples Together and a brand new book co-written with Doug Fields, Getting Ready for Marriage.

 

from MarriedPeople Couples http://ift.tt/1LmJW2u
via IFTTT