Restored families: Facing pain

Restoration is about handling pain in a way that will promote growth. Dysfunction more often than not will either flight from pain (insulate) or fight pain (invoking more pain). In fact all dysfunction is related to the unhelpful ways by which we try to handle pain. Blame shifting for example, is a common way of trying to cope with pain. This primeval behaviour was first seen with Adam and Eve after the fall.


Often at the core of the way we handle pain is a belief about God Himself. In the book of Ruth, Naomi, Ruth's mother in law, became embittered about her circumstances because she believed that God had turned His back on her. Ruth, by contrast, believed that the same God would help her. She got better whereas Naomi got bitter. Pain affected them both but their reactions were different because their fundamental belief about God was different.


Psalm 23:4 declares that "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me and your rod and staff, they comfort me." We need to know that while we are not immune from pain and that God may not necessarily deliver us from pain, He will deliver us through pain. He will accompany you through the valley. Death is but a shadow because death itself has been swallowed up by Christ's death. "Death is swallowed up in victory. Death where is your sting? Hades where is your victory?" (1 Cor.15:54) Pain is not death for the believer because death has been overcome. Therefore we can face pain.


If pain cannot destroy the believer, it can however be used for our growth. The apostle Paul prayed that he would be delivered from "a thorn in the flesh" three times. God would not remove the pain that afflicted him. Instead Paul had the revelation that the grace of God would uphold him in his weakness. This same grace would be the testimony that God was with him through his valleys. He came to the place where he would "rather boast in my infirmities that the power of God may rest upon me...for when I am weak then I am strong." (2 Cor.12:9-10)


The most enlightening insights that we have come through the catalyst of pain. God will never use pain to put you down but rather to grow us into the character of Christ. As long as we stay in grace we will grow. Ruth stayed in the field that belonged to Boaz (a type of Christ). She was both nourished and protected, not only her but also Naomi.


Sometimes we can bemoan our background in life and yet the plan of God is to use that same background like a stepping stone into the future that He has - always a plan for good and never harm. Jabez, whose name means 'he will cause pain', resolved to ask God "to enlarge his territory so that he would not cause pain." (1 Chron.4:9-10) He decided to use his background (pain) as a stepping stone rather than as a stumbling block. He defied the pattern of victim - perpetrator.


Facing pain in His grace which will always 'enlarge your territory' will grow both you and those around you.


This blog is based on a message given by Ross Smith at The Vine church, Logan City, Queensland, Australia on 03/05/15. The full message can be downloaded by podcast from www.thevine.org.au/teaching